The Man I Truly Am

The past often calls my name
And too often I listen
I allow its taunting images to pierce through my soul
I let the memories surge through my veins
I'm haunted by my past mistakes
I try to make a change
But the voice always reminds me
Of the man I truly am
I no longer know for certain
If this new face is truly me
Or just another poorly constructed mask
Intended to fool the world
Or maybe, to fool myself
The past days and years and regrets
Flash before my eyes
The blood spilt and the tears lost surround me
Until I can no longer breath or see any color
Other than a watery red
My heart tries to flee its prison
This body full of scars
To serve as a reminder
Of the man I truly am
I see the world
I see a future
Before my very eyes
Yet still I am drawn back to a life I no longer live
But the demons and scars live on
My decisions live on
The deconstruction lives on
The damage lives on
But I hardly live at all
I am stuck in a time that has already played out
I stand and watch and cry to stop
But I have no control
What's done is done and continues to be done
My soul cries out
Don't let this be
The man I truly am ​