Sometimes I get sad and cry
Then put on a smile and lie And say everything is “fine” While my soul quietly dies inside And my mind fills with words that I can never speak So I suffocate them until these words are too weak To ever slip out past my tongue into the air And float around everywhere So that everybody can breath them in And know how I truly feel within... No, I need to hide it No, I need to fight it So I hold back another tear before it drops down from my eye Try to hush the demons that are brewing in my mind Carve another smile upon my face Wipe the blood, so there is no trace Of the lies and deceit The broken promises and defeat I hold them all in, I can't let them see me like this So I lead them down the abyss Of who I want them to perceive me to be But that man isn't me No, he is so very different and foreign But I am so depressed and so borin' Maybe one day I'll let the world meet me But right now, I just don't think I'm ready Nothing compares to your gentle touch against my face
Your words can heal any wound But when you’re gone, I bleed out And right now I am bleeding out I need you by my side I need you here with me I can’t make it without you I’ve tried, I’m dying inside I’m breaking down But I’m left here to deal with it alone Grab me and tell me it’s all gonna be okay Please, tell me it’s all gonna be okay Are you there? Please, tell me that you’re there Because you’ve been missing for a while now They say time heals all, but time has made the pain worse I am trying to be okay I’m trying to be the man you told me I could be I’m trying I swear to God or whoever is listening that I am trying Please believe me there Please believe me Please hold me The tears are rolling down But your hand isn’t there to catch it Your lips aren’t there to kiss it Your words aren’t there to stop me from feeling the weight of the world As it crushes me inside I’m trying to stay strong I’m trying to stand tall I’m trying to be the man that you told me I could be I know I can be the man that you want me to be I feel him wandering within, But I feel like he never shows up Just the demons within That always seem to surface I’m falling I’m crashing I’m burning I’m dying I’m trying Please tell me I’m gonna be alright Run to my side and catch me before I collapse Catch me before it’s too late Show me that you’re still there Show me that you still care Tell me that it’s gonna be okay Please tell me I’m gonna be okay My mind is filled with words that never meet my tongue
They’re unsung They stay trapped in my mind, searching for air But there's none there They wait in line hoping to see the light of day But there’s no way I keep my lips closed and the words remain locked in Like Berlin But today my pen breaks and the ink spills Just watch it as the page fills Deep breath I’m afraid if I go all out I may fail I’m so frail Anxiety overflows in my veins Telling my brain To fear the thoughts inside their head as they stare But I act like I just don’t care I think my heart is broken permanently, I just can’t love But love is all I write of I think that if I write it down in a poem maybe one day I will believe it But I hate it I pray to God and question his existence And wonder if he existed would he even listen? I bow my head and cry out, but all I hear are crickets Oh forget it I paste this smile on my face and say everything is golden While everything is broken I stare at the reflection in the mirror and feel everything but free I hate that boy I see I see his past written on his face in permanent marker As his soul continues to grow darker and darker And I realize everything that fool has done That can never be undone it is forever Take a step back My past is done and over with, so I look on to the future which is unwritten And unlived in I am the author So I grab my pen and prepare to write the greatest comeback story ever written Here’s to the future. |
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October 2020
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