My bed is too big
I try to sprawl my legs out
Reach desperately for each corner
And try to convince myself
That I am fine
But even my scars recognize it
As nothing more than a lie
Your scent still lingers
In the darkest corner of my mind
Your fingerprints stained deeply into 
The stitches of my linen
I often find myself rolling into the divot
You used to call home
And even with the dreams of you
I can’t help but feel anything more than alone
I see your name faded
Behind a new coat of paint
The last coat still remains 
Deep beneath my fingernails
I’ve always had a wandering mind
But every night it finds its way home to you
I wish I could stop the tingling in my fingertips
As I write this confession
And I wish I could stop this shortness of breath
When I hear your name muttered
Into the air of my surroundings
And I wish my demons would stop shouting
That no matter what I do 
I will always be alone in this bed
With nothing more than some memories
Of you

The past often calls my name
And too often I listen
I allow its taunting images to pierce through my soul
I let the memories surge through my veins
I'm haunted by my past mistakes
I try to make a change
But the voice always reminds me
Of the man I truly am
I no longer know for certain
If this new face is truly me
Or just another poorly constructed mask
Intended to fool the world
Or maybe, to fool myself
The past days and years and regrets
Flash before my eyes
The blood spilt and the tears lost surround me
Until I can no longer breath or see any color
Other than a watery red
My heart tries to flee its prison
This body full of scars
To serve as a reminder
Of the man I truly am
I see the world
I see a future
Before my very eyes
Yet still I am drawn back to a life I no longer live
But the demons and scars live on
My decisions live on
The deconstruction lives on
The damage lives on
But I hardly live at all
I am stuck in a time that has already played out
I stand and watch and cry to stop
But I have no control
What's done is done and continues to be done
My soul cries out
Don't let this be
The man I truly am ​