Why doesn't my phone flip anymore?

Can we take a moment to talk about how amazing life was back in the ancient days?? That's right, I'm talking about the early 2000's. Back before Tom had even thought up MySpace. Back when 3 year olds didn't have their own iPhone 6+'s. Back when my phone flipped open and had a miniature mirror on the front of it (and I had to share it with my younger sister, but that's besides the point).  I'm talking about the good ole days.

Life was just simpler back then. We didn't worry about how many people were following us on twitter, how many people double tapped their phone screens in approval of our picture on instagram, or how many people gave us approval through "likes" on facebook. We were actually in touch with the real world! In touch with the people standing in our presence, people we could touch and feel and kiss and hug. But, now that our phones don't flip, all we care about are people that are nowhere near us. People on the internet. 

It's a whole new world (cue breaking into song) and I hate it! These flat phones are going to be the death of us!

I had this girl in my class today who actually told me that she couldn't spell anymore, because she was so used to just allowing autocorrect to fix it for her. Are you kidding me? Flip phones never messed up anybodies spelling, in fact it challenged you to be an even better speller. We all know that that t9 BS was a piece of shit, so we all turned it off and had to spell out every single word by ourselves. It made us better people, smarter people. But now our iPhones correct every single mistake that we make. Stupid flat phone.

Back in the early 2000's you would never see an entire group of friends just staring into their laps at this glowing device. No. They would be having these ancient things called conversations, where they would basically just speak words at each other back and forth, while dinosaurs walked around in the background. 

We have become so dependent on these flat phones. Back in the day if we wondered what the weather was, we would just step outside and feel it ourselves, but today all we do is open up an app. If we didn't have flat phones, people would be wearing winter coats in 100 degree weather, tank tops in the snow, sunglasses in the rain. We would be a bunch of morons running around, not knowing what to do. We would stare at people as they walk by, wondering if we should follow them or not. We would see a hot babe walking by and go up to her and double tap on her face, to show that we like her face. We would see foods at restaurants that we like and give them a little thumbs up of approval. Basically, we would just look like complete morons.

But, if flip phones were still around, none of these would be issues. We knew how to truly function in the real world when we had flip phones. These flip phones were meant to make occasional contact with someone far away, but only when it was really necessary. We knew how to enjoy our surroundings, without feeling these deep need to post it online. We knew how to hold deep, real conversations with friends for hours and hours. We knew how to look up and enjoy this beautiful playground we have been given. We knew how to get up off of our asses and live our damn lives. We had phones that flipped.

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