I wonder

I wonder if I'll ever get where I want to go. I wonder if I'm just wasting my time chasing dreams that were never meant to be mine. I wonder if I have what it takes. I wonder when the time will come when I need to set the pen down, put the suit on, sit down in my cubicle, and grow the fuck up. I wonder if these visions in my head are prophesies or fantasies. I wonder how many books I'll need to write to get one right. I wonder how many books I need to write to realize that I was never meant to write, at all. I wonder who will leave me first: my delusional dreams or everyone I love. I wonder which one of my idols I will end up as: Van Gogh or David Foster Wallace. I wonder if I'll ever get these demons out of my head. I wonder if this insecurity will ever go away. I wonder how much longer I must wait. I wonder how much longer I can last.