sometimes my mind is blank. an empty void. filled only with silence.
and other times my mind is chaotic. a stormy night. screams that will never cease.
i search desperately for a place in the middle. a place where my thoughts have the room to grow and the water available to nourish them.
but all i find are droughts and storms. silence and loud screams. words that mean nothing. and words that are far too loud.
i want to find some middle ground. some sanity. some happiness to sprinkle upon this miserable life that i can’t seem to evade.
but the nights are too dark and the days are too hot and my legs are too weak and there are a million more excuses for why i continue to delay my journey to a better place.
i wonder why i fear happiness. why i fear normality. why i fear a calm heart with a smile across my face. why i fear…
but i can’t stop. i am crippled with it.