All My Friends Are Couples

Being single is great. You are allowed to go out whenever you want, hangout with whoever you want, and do essentially whatever (and whomever *WINK*) you want. You don't have to pay for expensive dinners, you don't have to buy flowers every time you mess up, and you don't have to celebrate stupid things like Valentine's Day or anniversaries or somebodies birthday that isn't your own. It is a glorious feeling to be single.... That is until you hang out with all of your friends who are in a couple and realize you are actually dead inside and crippled by your own loneliness.

It is only in that moment, when you are surrounded by couples, that you realize how great it is to have somebody of your own. Somebody that you can rely on for a kiss on a shitty day, somebody that you can stay home and watch Netflix with on a Saturday night, somebody to hold you tight and whisper in your ear, "Everything will be alright," even though the both of you know it won't be because the world is cruel and your life is a joke.

But, in this particular moment, you have nobody at all. So, instead of holding tightly to the one that you love, you have to hold on tightly to your buddy's girlfriend and pretend that that is enough... Though we both know it is not.

But don't worry it gets better.... PSYCH!!!!! it gets much, much worse. As time goes on and your loneliness grows into a bitter hatred for the cold world, you will find yourself in situations where being single is nearly unlivable. I am talking about those couple-y holidays like New Years Eve where you either have somebody to kiss or you wish you were dead.  

The party will be quite the hoot. You will throw back 1, 2, maybe 13 shots of Tequila and attempt to forget about your loneliness-- and you almost will! But, right as you reach the brink of happiness and acceptance of your pathetic life, the clock will strike midnight and all of your friends will kiss on the lips of their significant others... And you? Well, you are left essentially for dead... but don't worry, that decorative ballon will hold you at night...

That ballon will absolutely not hold you at night. You are going to die alone. 

The world is cruel and couples are the worst.