When You See The Prey Of Your Internet Stalking In Real Life.

If you have access to the internet then you are most likely guilty of internet stalking. It is something we all do. We meet a cute girl in a coffeeshop or a cute boy in class and the first thing we do is find them on social media. We search for them on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, heck I even go so far as to look up their old MySpace! You grab a large coffee, a bag of Doritos, and get ready for a long night of hard work. 

Once we find them we consume every detail that we can discover. In a few minutes we learn her favorite movies and favorite books, after twenty minutes we learn about her family trip to Cabo and her wild Spring Break in Havasu, an hour passes and we learn about the time her and her mother did a road trip up the west coast when she was 7 and how their radio broke down and they were forced to sing the Backstreet Boys album a cappella, and how to this day her favorite song is still "All I Have to Give."

Eventually you know them as well as God knows them. You know their every scar, their every regret, their every desire, and their every dream. It's amazing the things you can learn by simply devouring their social media presence.

Though the two of you have hardly spoken more than a few words to one another you are sure that you are head over heels in love. You eagerly await the day where you can see her in the flesh, where you can look her in the eyes without a computer screen between you and her. But before you can just walk straight up to her and begin speaking words, you need to apply, what I like to call, social lubricant. 

Social lubricant (n.)
In a society driven by online communication, it is considered "rude" or "aggressive" to just enter a conversation completely dry. So, to prepare for a real life conversation, one must apply a social lubricant.

Types of lubrication include:

1. Replying to a tweet.
2. Sliding into the DM
3. Commenting on Insta with a 🔥 or 😍 or, if you trynna keep it classy, a simple 😏

Once you have applied one or all of the social lubricants, you are ready to speak to her-- no longer with a keyboard, but with your mouth.

Lub, dub...Lub, dub... Lub, dub... That is the sound of your heart beating, ya nerd! Because you're nervous... about talking to the gir- oh, never mind!

You see her across the coffeeshop, you knew she would be there because she is always there on Tuesday afternoons. You rehearse the line that you have been practicing all week over and over again in your head. "Hi." "Hi.""Hi." "Hi." 

You take a deep breath, swallow away your nervousness, stand... and walk out the door, because there is no way in hell you are about to go talk to her in real like when you can just slide in them DMs with a classy ass 😏.