If there is one fact about me that is factier than the rest of the facts, it's the fact that I hate talking to strangers. There is nothing on this planet that makes me more anxious than walking up to somebody that I don't know and having words come out of my mouth.
Well, after mentally abusing myself and forcing myself to do so, I finally approached a human of the female species. I think most people would agree with my assessment, if they were lucky enough to have their eyeballs in her presence, of calling this girl a complete goddess.
The 15 feet I had to walk across the room towards her felt like marathons. I heard the silence of the clock. The complete lack of noise screamed loudly. My heart pounded out of my chest in her direction as thoughts raced in and out of my mind. I found myself getting nearer.
Millenniums later, I finally found myself close enough to allow words to float off of my toungue and towards her ears.
Words. Think of words. Something. Anything.
Finally, I feel words slide into the air.
"Hello, I don't mean to bother you, but I couldn't help myself. I just had to come over here and introduce myself. My name is Ryan."
My heart is beating so fast it feels motionless. I slide my hand towards her, I attempt to smile. But, to be completely honest, I have gone completely numb and have no idea if my lips formed anything even close to resembling a smile.
As my hand gets closer and closer to her, we are rudely interrupted by a shadow. I glance over towards its owner, my hand still gliding towards the goddess, and see a hand flying towards mine.
My hand is molested by this unknown and unexpected hand.
What is happening?!?! This is my goddamn nightmare!
"Hello there Ryan, glad you felt the need to come and introduce yourself to my girlfriend."
Girlfriend. Sonofabitch. Of course this goddess is already somebody else's girlfriend.
I feel his grip getting tighter, stopping the blood that previously trickled into my hand.
I look from goddess to boyfriend back to goddess back to boyfriend.
According to the clock only a few seconds had transpired, but I felt like my entire lifetime had come and gone as I continued to look back and forth from goddess to boyfriend and back to goddess.
Finally, I feel his hand let go of mine. I say nothing.
Instead, I quickly retreat into a dark corner where I plan to remain until the day I die.
Moral of the story: don't talk to strangers.