For my entire 22 plus years of life I have been searching for a purpose. I have been asking myself the age old questions, "What is my reason? Why am I here? What am I supposed to do with my life? What was I called to do?"
Over the years I have found what I thought was the answer multiple times. At first it was to be a MLB player and make a ton of money and buy my mom and dad a mansion (let's be real though, I'm still supposed to be a MLB player). Next I was going to be a business owner that was going to change the world and win a Nobel Peace Prize. Then I was going to be an actor that would win an Oscar before Leo ever could. Then I was going to be a writer who would finally write Leo's Oscar winning role...while also winning an Oscar myself, etc etc.
I pursued each and every one of these "purposes" as hard as I could. I put my all into it. My life surrounded the pursuit of these professions. But, no matter how hard I tried, I failed. Every time.
All of these failures left me crushed and depressed and wondering once more, "What is my purpose?" I put every ounce of my being into these things only to find out that it was all a waste of time.
But, over this last week, I found the innate flaw that was in everything that I pursued. They were all selfish pursuits. I was putting all of my self worth into rewards and recognitions from others. I wanted to be praised for my accomplishments. I wanted to change the world, but I wanted people to also reward me for doing so. I was putting all of my self worth in a temporary glory.
It is a crushing thing when you put all of your self worth into something so temporary.
So this got me searching for something more permanent that I can pour my life into, something more permanent that I can put my self worth in.
Then, as if my ears were finally unmuted, I heard the screams of God, "Hey, dummy! It's me! It's me that you've been searching for! Put your self worth in me!"
Then it hit me. If I want to make any sort of impact in this life, I want to do it on a permanent, everlasting, eternal scale. I want to spend my life doing work that can save lives and save the world. And what better way to do that than by doing it by serving the Lord.
Here is the thing that I realized. Over these 22 years of life I have been attempting to build a kingdom; my kingdom. I've been trying to surround myself with friends who love me, fans who adore me, family members who can proudly say "that's my brother/son/cousin/uncle twice removed." I wanted people to hear my name and automatically associate it with success and greatness.
I put every ounce of effort into building this kingdom. But, the truth is, no matter how large I build this kingdom, eventually it is going to collapse. It just will. I will die and my friends will move on to other friends, my fans will move on to other ceilings (lol get it? like a ceiling fan?), my family will brag about future family members. The kingdom would come to an end.
But, what if I put all of this effort into building something that will last forever, ever? What if I took all of my efforts and spent them on God and helping Him to build His eternal kingdom?
So, that is my new plan in life. For everything I do to be in pursuit of building God's kingdom. Because, finally, my efforts won't be a waste.
Now in every decision I make I will ask myself, "Will this benefit the kingdom of God?" And if it does, then I will do that thing.
This doesn't mean that I won't continue to pursue those crazy dreams that I talked about earlier, the difference, however, will be in how I find my self worth through those things. Instead of writing so that I can build a fanbase, I now write to build the kingdom of God. My success is no longer in the number of views, likes, shares, and comments, but my success is only found in the grace of God and in the serving of God.
I hope you guys are having a blessed day/night. God bless!