Dear beautiful lady sitting next to me at Starbucks,
Hello there, my name is Ryan. I like your shoes, they are cool.
Anyways, I am writing to you because I have no balls and my mouth isn't good at speaking words towards beautiful humans like you. But, like, if I were to talk to you I would probably compliment your green eyes. They are like...super green. And your smile is super neato, it makes me want to smile too....but if I did I would just look like some weirdo smiling to himself as he drinks his chai iced tea. Then you would probably think I'm smiling about the iced tea, but really I'm smiling about your smile.
I have some cool plans for our future...that's not creepy is it? Whatever. I think we should have two kids, I know you probably want three but shut up we're only having two. OMG I am not having this fight again! Two kids it is! LOL I love when we get in fights, that means we're a real couple. At least that's what everybody tells me.
I think our kids names should be something super cool and unique. Something like McBadass or Ball So Hard. That way nobody will ever forget our kids names. Hopefully they have your eyes and your smile and your nice booty, but honestly I don't know why I would care what my kids butts would look like. I mostly just wanted to comment on your nice butt. It's nice.
Oh, they just called your drink order, vanilla bean frappuccino. I like vanilla bean frappuccinos. According to spell check, frappuccino isn't even a real word, but it's okay I googled the correct spelling so we're good. I hope your frappuccino is good, too.
HAHAHA do you remember that one time when you met my parents and you got super nervous and spilt your diet coke all over yourself? I tried telling you that you shouldn't drink soda, but you were like, "It's diet so it's okay." and I was like it's still not healthy and you were like, "Shut up Ryan, I hate you. But not really, because I love you." Those were good times....I mean, they haven't happened yet, but I bet a moment like that would happen with us. I can just tell.
Oh, shit. I think you just noticed that I have been staring at you for the like ten minutes. You just whispered something to your friend and then pointed at me. This is super awkward. Oh, no. You just got up and left. Dang it. I never even got to say hi.
Well....it was nice pretending to have kids with you. I'll see you around....I'm looking for you on Facebook right now. I think I just found you. LOL yup.
Friend request sent.
Love that random dude who creeped you out at Starbucks and then sent you a friend request only seconds later. Can't wait to marry you,