Some nights I lie in bed and wonder if you think of me
Other nights I try to drink away your memory
Either way all I want is another conversation
And an oppurtunity to fix this situation
All I’m asking for is another shot
Bartender, pour me out another shot
I don’t know if I’ve made it clear, but I all I really want is you
But quite frankly I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do
I blew my shot, I know it, I just need to accept it
I need to deal with it in a better way than writing another poem, but I’m just a poet
I don’t deal with my problems, I just write them out
I don’t deal with my problems, I just drink them out
I don’t deal with my problems, I just create scenarios in my mind
Where you’re back in my life and everything is alright
That’s why I hate sobering up
That’s when I realize that my dreaming is never enough
That’s when I realize that you’re gone and you’re not coming back
That’s when I realize that my life has fallen so far off track
Pour me another shot
I swear I’m ready to give this all I got
Tell me what you want and I will give it to you a million times
My heart is singing to you in a million chimes
I swear you alone occupy at least 90% of mind
The world rushes by but to them I’m just blind
All I see is you
Without you in my life, I can’t even explain what I’ve been going through
It's crazy how even the way the wind blows abandoned leaves down an empty street can remind me of you
I’ve been praying for you
Not for you and I to be together, I’m not that selfish
I’ve just been praying for your happiness
I’ve been asking God to keep His eye on you
And protect you from this crazy world that’s all around you
I know your future is bright
I’ve just been praying that you stay in His light
But if I’m being honest, I’d rather you be by my side
I’m a lot of bit selfish, I just need to admit it
I’m just a human trying to get it right, I’m not perfect
Can you pour me out another drink? I need to forget what I’m writing
I’m drunk but for some reason I continue driving
Now let me explain the metaphor that I’m using
The pen is my key and this notepad is my car, I know it’s confusing
Think it out if you’re willing
I’m done explaining
So I’ll end it on this
You and I are a happy ending that floated amiss
So I’ll keep floating until this silence is broken
Or maybe I’ll just share my feelings and disguise it as another poem
Everyday we help to build some sort of kingdom
But the question is
Who is your king?
Is it Steve Jobs, Tim Cook,
And the entire Apple tree?
Or do you put yourself on the throne
And have friends carve your crown?
Is it your wardrobe overflowing
With ties that bring it all together?
Is it Instagram followers that reward
You with a couple taps of affirmation?
Is it Ben Franklin who gives you a little wink
As you stack him a little higher?
Or is it God?
Well, to answer this question we must first
Dissect your daily behaviors.
We must first answer this simple question,
How do you spend your time?
Do you spend it with your iPhone clenched
Tightly in your hand?
Do you spend it with your tongue tattooed with
I's, me's, and mine?
Do you spend it staring at numbers that represent
Your worth, tied together with a simple dollar sign?
Do you spend it taking pictures in a room full of friends
Hoping outsiders will approve?
Or do you spend it in love?
Do you spend it with a smile across your face
And declarations of blessings?
Do you spend it in thanksgiving,
In both the good and the bad?
The cliche goes, actions speak louder than words.
So what are your actions saying?
What kingdom are you building?
I feel like I'm walking on a slippery slope
I lack stability
I'm waking on the edge of this cliff
Nobody's holding me
I peak a look at what lies below
And reach for a railing that is not there
It's just me alone
With the breeze through my hair
And the demons that lie below
Whispering my name
Promising me a life full
Of glory and fame
All I need to do is let go
They try to calm me like
"Nobody will even miss you at all,
Just jump, we've got you,
We've always got you.
Take a look around you for a moment,
Who else has really got you?"
I feel my feet take a step towards the ledge
And then I'm filled with hesitation
I hear somebody yelling my name in the distance,
"Don't listen to them,
You're loved, I swear you're loved,
You just need to make this journey on your own.
You've got a million people behind you,
I swear you're not alone.
Take a step back
And run this way."
So I step back and run towards the voice
With the largest smile on my face
I'm coming home.