Sometimes I get sad and cry
Then put on a smile and lie 
And say everything is “fine”
While my soul quietly dies inside
And my mind fills with words that I can never speak
So I suffocate them until these words are too weak
To ever slip out past my tongue into the air
And float around everywhere
So that everybody can breath them in
And know how I truly feel within...
No, I need to hide it
No, I need to fight it
So I hold back another tear before it drops down from my eye
Try to hush the demons that are brewing in my mind
Carve another smile upon my face 
Wipe the blood, so there is no trace
Of the lies and deceit
The broken promises and defeat 
I hold them all in, I can't let them see me like this
So I lead them down the abyss
Of who I want them to perceive me to be
But that man isn't me 
No, he is so very different and foreign
But I am so depressed and so borin'
Maybe one day I'll let the world meet me
But right now, I just don't think I'm ready

Nothing compares to your gentle touch against my face
Your words can heal any wound
But when you’re gone, I bleed out
And right now I am bleeding out
I need you by my side
I need you here with me
I can’t make it without you
I’ve tried, I’m dying inside
I’m breaking down
But I’m left here to deal with it alone
Grab me and tell me it’s all gonna be okay
Please, tell me it’s all gonna be okay
Are you there?
Please, tell me that you’re there
Because you’ve been missing for a while now
They say time heals all, but time has made the pain worse
I am trying to be okay
I’m trying to be the man you told me I could be
I’m trying 
I swear to God or whoever is listening that I am trying
Please believe me there
Please believe me
Please hold me
The tears are rolling down 
But your hand isn’t there to catch it
Your lips aren’t there to kiss it
Your words aren’t there to stop me from feeling the weight of the world
As it crushes me inside 
I’m trying to stay strong 
I’m trying to stand tall
I’m trying to be the man that you told me I could be
I know I can be the man that you want me to be
I feel him wandering within,
But I feel like he never shows up
Just the demons within
That always seem to surface
I’m falling
I’m crashing
I’m burning
I’m dying
I’m trying
Please tell me I’m gonna be alright
Run to my side and catch me before I collapse
Catch me before it’s too late
Show me that you’re still there
Show me that you still care
Tell me that it’s gonna be okay
Please tell me I’m gonna be okay

My mind is filled with words that never meet my tongue
They’re unsung
They stay trapped in my mind, searching for air
But there's none there
They wait in line hoping to see the light of day
But there’s no way
I keep my lips closed and the words remain locked in
Like Berlin
But today my pen breaks and the ink spills
Just watch it as the page fills

Deep breath

I’m afraid if I go all out I may fail
I’m so frail
Anxiety overflows in my veins
Telling my brain
To fear the thoughts inside their head as they stare
But I act like I just don’t care
I think my heart is broken permanently, I just can’t love
But love is all I write of
I think that if I write it down in a poem maybe one day I will believe it
But I hate it
I pray to God and question his existence
And wonder if he existed would he even listen?
I bow my head and cry out, but all I hear are crickets
Oh forget it
I paste this smile on my face and say everything is golden
While everything is broken
I stare at the reflection in the mirror and feel everything but free
I hate that boy I see
I see his past written on his face in permanent marker
As his soul continues to grow darker and darker
And I realize everything that fool has done 
That can never be undone
          it is forever

Take a step back

My past is done and over with, so I look on to the future which is unwritten
And unlived in
          I am the author
So I grab my pen and prepare to write the greatest comeback story ever written 

Here’s to the future.