As the rest of their crew went out to a party, Tristan and Troye decided to take a walk to get to know each other and their new city a little better. They ended up in the grass of a dark park while looking up at the stars. Tristan shared a lot of secrets with Troye that night-- a lot more than Troye was used to having trusted in him. He told Troye about his relationship with his parents-- his father more specifically-- and maybe that is why Troye gravitated towards him so much. They both shared in the experiences of abuse.
“I just never could get out of my brother’s shadow, you know?” Troye nodded along even though he couldn’t truly relate, being an only child and all. “I don’t know. I guess he was embarrassed of me… It’s not like I did anything wrong, I just never did things quite as good as my bro did…” Tristan trailed off then continued on with a new tangent, “Do you believe in God? I see you reading that Bible every night… but do you believe?”
This was the first time Troye had ever been truly asked that question. His entire life he was told that God existed and he never really thought about the possibility that he could not exist. He sat with the question for a while, uncovering convictions within that he was previously unaware of. He tried for the first time to mute his father's screaming voice inside of his head and listening in to his internal thoughts and digestions of his nightly readings and personal spiritual experiences. “I do.”
“Then how do you explain this world?” Tristan had his finger on the trigger and was ready to shoot off as soon as he was given the signal.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean how can a God, who claims to be so loving, create a world with so much evil? The abuse, the killings, the deformities, the cruelties of man, the… who would do such a thing to the people he loves?”
Troye thinks again, exploring his mind and discovering he is far more opinionated and informed than he previously believed. He also discovered that he didn't really believe in all of the things his dad forced him to believe in, rather he had his own views that he had suffocated in the corners of his brain. His dad would have answered, "Because God is God and he can do whatever the hell he wants," as he so often did with every question directed at him. But that was not what Troye believed-- he discovered. God wouldn't act in such a careless and meaningless way, there is an intent behind every decision. He formulated his scattered discoveries and formed them into a singular thought.
“I think evilness is the only way he can prove his love... Think about it this way, if it were always light out we wouldn’t even know the concept of darkness… or lightness for that matter. In the same way, if the world were filled only with love, then we wouldn’t know that love even existed. The color white cannot exist without other colors in contrast. We need darkness to see the light. Good cannot exist without bad. God cannot exist without evil. They need each other to exist… So... I guess, he didn't necessarily create evil or thrust evilness upon us, but rather evil exists because he exists.”
Troye and Tristan lied there silently digesting.
“Interesting,” was all Tristan said before the rest of the night was filled with thoughtful silence.